Stories of Pride
By Talia Smith
Although every day is a good day to celebrate the amazing queer people in your life, June is Pride month, ergo a great time for members of the LGBTQ+ community to share their stories, thoughts, selves, and words.
Similar to others in my community, I myself do not have a traditional coming out story. The day I told my parents I was queer was almost like any other day— an anticipation for them to meet someone in my life that I loved, regardless of sexual or gender identity. And for that, I couldn’t be more grateful.
Although there was a lack of conventional “coming out,” in my life and the lives of many of my friends, the stories of growth, hardships and prosperities shared within my community have inspired me to shine light on some of the inspiring young people within it. Although it seems that there is no better time than 2021 to be out and proud, the answers to these questions show that there is still much progress to be made in regards to acceptance and love towards all identities.
Ranging in age, sexual identity, gender expression and experience, all our interviewees give us a small glimpse of what it means to be a young queer individual; not only during pride month, but every day.
Tell me your preferred name, pronouns, and anything else you think might help us get to know you better.
Maia, she/her, 21 years old! I’m from Los Angeles, I’m brown & queer, and I’m listening to the new Tyler drop as I’m writing so I’ll say I’m a humble member of the “wolfgang” too.
Tell me a bit about your identity and how you identify with the LGBTQ+ community.
I identify as a queer femme who’s still figuring it out. The LGBTQIA+ community is about expansiveness and expression. There’s a really sweet willingness to come as you are and leave room for more.
When did you begin to openly identify with the queer community?
I started to openly identify with the queer community my senior year of high school. I’d been questioning for awhile and never tried to process it. I had my first kiss at 17 with a girl that I used to say made me feel like bubbles. Maybe bubbles equals gay? Who’s to say.
Can you tell us about your coming out story, if you have one?
Well, I came out to myself in just about the most GenZ way possible. I was on Tumblr, and there was a post that said “we’ll tell you a secret about yourself based on your zodiac sign.” So, I scrolled to Taurus, and it says “you’re gay.” I instantly start sobbing.
I finally settled down a bit and then looked back at the post, and every single horoscope secret said “you’re gay.” After that, I couldn’t help but laugh. Then, I kissed the aforementioned girly a month or two later, then we started dating, and I was just kind of “out.”
Have you faced hardships in your life in correlation to your identity within the queer community?
I’ve kissed people in public spaces and gotten yelled at on the street. I’ve tried to come out to immediate or extended family and have been told it’d be more comfortable or generally better if I didn’t. I’m very lucky that my parents are completely supportive, and I’ve been immersed in primarily queer-centric spaces, but there’s still a stifling effect that comes with being considered “out of the norm.” There’s an overt hyper-sexualization specifically attached to lesbian relationships that’s led to a lot of internalized homophobia on my end. I identify as a brown woman, and the racial stigmas held towards queerness have always been prevalent.
How has being queer impacted the person you are today?
This sounds silly, but being queer and living queer has just kinda been my groove. I’m safe and seen in it. It really does motivate the way I maneuver through life. I feel very present in it, and like I have no singular performance or expectation to meet. My queerness is for me and it flows naturally.
Do you have any advice for closeted or young queer people that might be struggling with their identity?
I don’t fully feel like the best person to advise on reckoning with identity, but I will say there is no one way to do/be queer. It is so personal and intimate. Society has maintained that queerness has to be a public act, which can make coming to terms with yourself all the more frightening. But the right spaces and people will embrace every bit of you. Community helps the healing, and there are communities that are waiting to meet you specifically. Just keep going ‘til you feel it. And you will feel it!!!
How will you be celebrating Pride month this year?
I’m just trying to dance everywhere and anywhere.
Tell me your preferred name, pronouns, and anything else you think might help us get to know you better.My name is Diego, I use he/him/his.
Tell me a bit about your identity and how you identify with the LGBTQ+ community.
I consider myself a political man. What I mean by this is that what makes me a man is completely external to me. I was socialized in a patriarchal society and I benefit daily from being perceived as a man, but I don't feel it says anything about me as a person. In that way, I identify as a-gender. I also identify as bisexual, meaning I’m attracted to my gender and all others.
When did you begin to openly identify with the queer community?
It was such a slow development, so I don't really remember when I came out. As soon as I went to my first queer party, I don't think I ever looked back. I heavily identify with queer culture and its social life.
Can you tell us about your coming out story, if you have one?
I don't really have one. I fell in love with a man and after that it was a whirlwind of emotions. I accepted myself immediately, and it was a lot of other things that kept me bottled inside, not my sexuality. I never denied my queerness when I realized it was there, but coming to terms with my identity wasn’t met with loving acceptance.
Have you faced hardships in your life in correlation to your identity within the queer community?
Yeah, definitely. I’m a prominent social media user, so I get homophobic comments everyday. I don't have any horror stories about it but I remember having to hide my sexuality at the workplace and in some social situations. Now, I can't really do that because I’m a recognizable figure in my country, so that leaves me a bit defenseless. I have gotten death threats and mass hate, but nothing horrible.
How has being queer impacted the person you are today?
I think being queer is one of the main things I am. People remind me everyday that I am a "f*g" so I can't really escape it. My studies have become heavily oriented towards being queer and it consumes almost every part of my life. I love it, I like learning about who I am, and who we are, and being able to pass that to someone else. I wish someone had been as blunt as I try to be, to me.
Do you have any advice for closeted or young queer people that might be struggling with their identity?
I haven't met anyone who has regretted coming out. If you think you have a safe environment to come out to, I urge you to start your life as soon as you can. You can't get those years back and, God, I wish I would've come out earlier.
How will you be celebrating Pride month this year?
I am part of many online Pride events as a guest and have filmed several videos to spread awareness, so I guess that is what I will be doing. My country (Chile) is still in lockdown.
**Follow Diego on Instagram @diegodebitch to attend his live discussions, collaborative panels, and more!
Tell me your preferred name, pronouns, and anything else you think might help us get to know you better.
I usually go by Reb or Bek. I use they/he pronouns.
Tell me a bit about your identity and how you identify with the LGBTQ+ community.
My identity has changed quite a bit since coming out the first time, but in relation to gender as it is now, I would describe myself as transmasc non-binary. Transmasc kind of describes where I feel I fall on a femininity-masculinity spectrum in how I present myself and how I like to be perceived. In my sexuality, I identify as gay or queer.
When did you begin to openly identify with the queer community?
I would say around the end of my Freshman year of high school, I started to realize I was queer of some sort. It wasn’t until Junior year that I was more open about it with myself and my friends. By the end of high school I was very comfortable in my sexuality and found a label that made sense to me, so from then on, I was open about my attraction.
Can you tell us about your coming out story, if you have one?
Well, I have a couple coming out stories. My coming out story about sexuality to my parents was one that was not on my own terms. It still makes me a bit uncomfortable to talk about, so all I’ll say in regards to it is that parents shouldn’t be forcing their children to come out, ever— especially when the parents know the suspected answer is not something they want to hear.
Coming out about my gender identity was really just having conversations with friends to help them understand my expression more and refer to me in ways that I’m most comfortable with. Obviously, changing pronouns is pretty big. But when it’s a handful of people never adjusting their language or practicing corrections, it’s a super not fun reminder that your gender identity does not align with your expression— even if you’re doing all you can to present a certain way.
The easiest coming out was probably to my girlfriend, even though my gender identity changed well after we had already started dating back in 2019. We’ve had conversations about it, and she feels comfortable asking me questions to help her alter her own language. The only issues from that were my own insecurities in thinking that changing how I presented myself would make her love me less.
Have you faced hardships in your life in correlation to your identity within the queer community?
As someone who is visibly queer walking down the street, I’ve been fortunate to have only experienced verbal harassment when I’ve been in less LGBTQ+ friendly areas. I’ve always found it difficult to be close with straight people. As a masculine presenting person, my relationships with women were difficult because I never felt like I could relate to their femininity. After becoming more open with my sexuality, I was made even more distant from straight women, because they’d have the tendency to make the assumption that I would be attracted to them, or they’d ask extremely invasive questions. My relationships with straight men were almost non-existent because growing up chubby and masculine placed me far from the beauty standard of the male gaze.
How has being queer impacted the person you are today?
Being queer has impacted me both positively and negatively. On the one hand, I’ve met so many wonderful people, learned about how to live my most confident and comfortable life, become more open-minded, and even improve my patience. However, being queer has also given me lots of anxiety around people who think that queer people existing affects them.
Do you have any advice for closeted or young queer people that might be struggling with their identity?
Since I’m someone who’s had a couple of identity changes, I’d say that it’s important to know that it can take time to understand what makes you the most comfortable. It’s OK not to label yourself at all, it's OK to wait until you find the right labels, and it’s definitely OK to use labels that will eventually change. It’s really nice that we live in the age of technology as well, so if there are opportunities to join online communities with people that are also struggling with their identities, it’s nice to get other people’s perspectives and experiences.
How will you be celebrating Pride month this year?
Unfortunately since I’m home with my family during Pride month this year and not surrounded by a group of people that are welcoming of celebrating Pride, I will be treating myself in small ways such as supporting LGBTQ+ owned businesses and spending quality time with my girlfriend over Facetime. I’ll also be using this month to have difficult conversations with those around me who don’t understand queer people/issues, and try to educate them to be better allies.
Tell me your preferred name, pronouns, and anything else you think might help us get to know you better.
Kayla! I use she/her/hers.
Tell me a bit about your identity and how you identify with the LGBTQ+ community.
When I first realized I liked girls I came out to my friends as bisexual, because I had hooked up with boys before. After being in a relationship with a girl I started feeling more like a true “lesbian.” Just to be safe, I prefer to label myself as queer.
When did you begin to openly identify with the queer community?
I definitely had many moments of self-questioning when I was growing up, but I truly came to terms with my sexuality my freshman year of college. My first week in the Emerson environment was a very eye-opening experience for me. It was the first time I was exposed to a large queer population, and it was super cool and made me feel comfortable and safe to be myself.
Can you tell us about your coming out story, if you have one?
My coming out was nothing huge. I sort of admitted to myself that I was interested in girls, and then literally hours later I called my best friend and told him. The next call I made was to my sisters. About a month later, after I had started talking to girls more, I told my parents. My grandparents are a whole different story. They’re very Southern Christian people and I may never feel comfortable telling them, but I am out to my friends and immediate family, and I feel good with that.
Have you faced hardships in your life in correlation to your identity within the queer community?
I do see many hardships within the queer community happening all around me, especially in the South, and I can’t help but be grateful for my queer experience so far.
How has being queer impacted the person you are today?
As I get older, I feel like I am only getting gayer. Not just in the “liking girls” way, but with my taste in music, movies and art. Queer culture is so cool!
Do you have any advice for closeted or young queer people that might be struggling with their identity?
My advice to younger queer people is to surround yourself with the culture. Don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to other queer people. It sounds cheesy, but I really am so glad that I have so many gay friends in my life.
How will you be celebrating Pride month this year?
This year, I will be celebrating pride with my besties. We are having a little dress up get together weekend with makeup and drinks and Rupaul’s Drag Race AS6.
Photo by Langley Custer for INDEX Magazine
Tell me your preferred name, pronouns, and anything else you think might help us get to know you better.
Ethan (Denk), he/him.
Tell me a bit about your identity and how you identify with the LGBTQ+ community.
I'm gay!
When did you begin to openly identify with the queer community?
I only started openly identifying with the queer community recently. When I was younger, I was so scared to stand out and be something "other." I realized I was gay at a fairly young age, but I spent so many years repressing and denying. Towards the end of high school I realized I couldn't really repress for much longer, so I waited until I left for college to figure out who I was. I would say I've only started openly identifying within the past year.
Can you tell us about your coming out story, if you have one?
I don't really have a real coming out story. I told my family towards the end of last year. I knew they would be supportive, and they were, it just felt like such an odd conversation to have, so I waited until I was almost 21 to do it. I actually haven't talked about my sexuality publicly ever, so this piece (in a sense) is like a coming out of sorts. For the longest time, I didn't want to come out because I didn't want to be gay. Today, I don't want to have a big "coming out" because I shouldn't feel like I have to. If someone wants to post about them coming out, all the power to them, that route just isn't for me. I'm just gonna be me, and if I seem a little fruity to you, well shit, maybe you're right.
Have you faced hardships in your life in correlation to your identity within the queer community?
I have been very lucky in the way that I have been treated. Since I didn't start realizing my sexuality until later, I was never tormented by kids or family members. The process of me coming to terms with my sexuality, however, definitely took a toll on me. I spent so long thinking that I would rather marry a woman and be unhappy because it was an easier life. Once I was around people that showed me that I can be myself and I can be genuinely happy, I began to release that hold I had over myself.
How has being queer impacted the person you are today?
I think I'm really lucky to be gay. It's something that has made me hate myself for a long time, but now that I am fully living in myself (and loving it), I am so much stronger. Everything about my morals and ideologies stem from being queer. It's so impactful that it's hard to even put it into words. I've gotten over so much internally and I had to deal with it at such a young age, so I kinda feel like I can do anything now. It's all up from here.
Do you have any advice for closeted or young queer people that might be struggling with their identity?
My one big piece of advice is that you should never be mad at yourself for where you are in your journey. There are so many factors that influence where you are in your discovery, so you should never feel like you have to know yourself because others your age might be a bit more comfortable or open. You are on your own path, so do exactly what you want.
How will you be celebrating Pride month this year
Unfortunately, I’m in Michigan for all of Pride, so I won't be getting too crazy. With that being said, I will be hanging out with my Michigan gays and watching our gay little shows and listening to our gay little music.
Tell me your preferred name, pronouns, and anything else you think might help us get to know you better.
I prefer to go by Alex and Calypso. I will go by all or any pronouns! She/They is fine.
Tell me a bit about your identity and how you identify with the LGBTQ+ community.
I am a pansexual queer person. I am also gender fluid.
When did you begin to openly identify with the queer community?
I didn’t start to be open about my queerness until after high school because I felt like I had to hide myself and identity in a primarily cis and heterosexual town. I had known I was pansexual in 6th grade and before that I had known that I was attracted to people regardless of their gender or sex.
Can you tell us about your coming out story, if you have one?
I have had many “coming outs” to some of my family and friends. It is sad to say I was surprised at how supportive my friends were. The reason I didn’t come out for so long is because I thought I would be treated differently, or not liked/loved anymore after I came out. When I came out to my Dad, he just wondered how I was supposed to have grandkids. When I came out to my mom, she said I should be with whoever I love. I am lucky my parents didn’t kick me out or grow violent because I know that’s a reality for so many young queer people. I’ve still had to deal with insensitivity and ignorance, but generally I’ve felt comfortable expressing myself to people. I haven’t officially come out as genderfluid just because my gender identity is something I have only really felt comfortable exploring for the past two years, but I’ve known since I was little that I never fully identified as cisgendered.
Have you faced hardships in your life in correlation to your identity within the queer community?
Not being able to be open and express myself for about 17 years of my life. Having to pretend I was a cis straight girl. I remember being on my first “gay” date— I took her to Hoboken, and while we were kissing on the pier, I heard people yelling and harassing us. I know that being a white person pales in comparison to the hardships that people of color in this community go through. They experience much higher rates of violence and discrimination. It is necessary for people to recognize the contributions of Black queer people and all people of color in this community.
How has being queer impacted the person you are today?
I would say that being queer is a part of the person I am today and I am very happy to be myself. As I’ve become more comfortable with my identity, I’ve been better able to express myself and my personality.
Do you have any advice for closeted or young queer people that might be struggling with their identity?
Only you know what your identity is, and no one can take that away from you. You are loved and supported by this community and it is safe here for you to be yourself. There is never a right time to come out. Take this journey for yourself and come out when you feel safe and comfortable. Coming out seems like a privilege that not everyone has access to. That being said, the people in your life who matter will respect you in your gender identity and sexual orientation.
How will you be celebrating Pride month this year?
I have been celebrating Pride by educating myself about the history behind the month and by being a safe space for any people who are in the community. I will be celebrating with family and friends who are queer or allies. I would like to go to the Asbury Park Pride March in New Jersey if I can.